It'll Be Okay
by making it to dawn
Summary: When she died, he was unable to live without her. So he gave up. Story is way better than summary. Oneshot. Read and review please. Warning: Rated T for character death


Mimi was dead. Roger couldn't believe it. It's not like he hadn't known all along that she was going to die, because he had. He just didn't know it would happen so soon.

Mark, Collins, Maureen, and Joanne had all tried to comfort him, but he would just sit there, unresponsive. He couldn't find the strength or will-power to speak. In face, he hardly moved anymore. It was like his body had shut down.

It hit him hard. For days he sat on the couch or lay in his bed, refusing to leave the lost. He couldn't do anything but mourn the loss of the love of his life. He wouldn't touch his guitar anymore. With Mimi gone, music didn't matter to him. He found that he couldn't find comfort in it. The longer he pined for her sweet voice to tell him she loved him one more time, the more he realized that he had never truly loved April. He'd found someone in the same situation as him and he took comfort in that. Until he met Mimi, he realized, he didn't even know what love was.

Everyone was walking on eggshells around Roger. They were all waiting for his breakdown. They knew it was inevitable; they all knew he was in pain, but they were waiting for it to fully sink in.

Mimi had died peacefully. She had finally succumbed to disease. An ambulance was called; Roger wouldn't leave her side. Even after she was gone, he sat by her bedside, staring at her peaceful face until he was told they had to take the body away.

Then the day of Mimi's funeral arrived. Roger refused to believe that the thin, pale body in the casket actually belonged to his girlfriend. He touched her face. It was cold. "Why did this happen?" he whispered, the first words he had spoken since her death. Then Maureen was beside him, holding onto his arm.

"It's okay, Roger," she said.

He looked at her, an expression of great pain on his face. "No it's not. She's gone forever," he said quietly.

"Yes, I know. But you'll get through this. We'll all get through this together," she told him softly.

He shook his head. "I don't think I can, Maureen. I loved her so much,"

"Roger..."

"No, Maureen. She's gone. I can't live without her,"

"At least try. Try to be happy. Please." To this, he couldn't respond. Instead, he closed the casket and placed a picture of Mimi on top, and went to sit on the front pew. After a few minutes, the funeral began. Collins spoke first.

"Mimi was brilliant. She called me her teddy bear," he laughed slightly. "I don't think I'll ever be able to forget her smile or the way she lit up a room just by walking into it. I'm going to miss her so much." Mark stood next.

"Mimi had that personality... that contagious happiness. When she smiled, it made everyone around her smile. She was just a great person."

"She was incredibly unique," Maureen started. "She was also an amazing dancer. We used to go to a club near the Catscratch when she was off her shift. She made a new dance to every song that came on. By the end of each night, she must've come up with twenty new dances. She was so much fun to be around. It's hard to realize that she'll never be around anymore." She walked over to hug Roger as Joanne stood.

"I didn't know Mimi for too long, but she had a great impact on my life. I grew very close with her. She was like my sister. I'm always going to remember her." She too hugged Roger before sitting. Then, at last, it was Roger's turn to go up.

He stood there for a few minutes, not knowing what to say. He kept looking at the picture of her. What words could possibly describe her? He opened his mouth several times, only to close it after a few seconds. After what seemed like hours, he finally knew what he could say.

"Mimi was... She meant the world to me. She still does. She was... _is_ the most important in my life. It's so hard for me to not have her with me anymore," his voice shook. Mark could see him falling apart; he knew what was coming. "I loved her more than anything. She..." A tear rolled down his cheek. "She was my first real love. She was the most beautiful girl in the world. I don't know what I'm going to do without her." His voice broke. "I can't believe she's actually gone." he whispered.

Then the truth hit him full on. "She's gone," he whispered again. His legs gave out beneath him and he collapsed onto the floor. Some people in the crowd gasped. But nobody approached him. They knew they had to let this happen.

A wail rose in Roger's throat, building and building until it finally tore from his lips. His agonized, tortured yell echoed through the room. Tears streamed down his face as he started shaking violently. It was the breakdown they had all expected. The room was filled with the sound of his pained sobs as he sat there, crying and shaking so violently it looked as if he was having a seizure.

"Mimi!" he cried out. Mark looked at the defeated expression on his face. Never had he seen his best friend in such pain. Not when April died, not when he discovered he had HIV, not even when Angel died. No, this was much worse. "How could you leave me alone?" he yelled, squeezing his eyes shut.

Maureen was the first person brave enough to go up to Roger. She kneeled next to him and put a hand on his shoulder. He looked up at her. Maureen had never seen him so miserable.

"You'll be okay," she whispered.

He shook his head, more tears coming. Mark, Collins, and Joanne joined them after a minute. They all kneeled around him, all whispering words of comfort, but he couldn't be consoled.

"The love of my life is gone. I'll never be okay again," he managed to say between sobs.

Mark and Collins each hooked an arm under one of his and helped him to his feet. Then, the five of them formed a circle, in an attempt to keep Roger on his feet. He was still shaking hard; it was obvious he was having trouble standing. It took a long time for Roger to be able to stand on his own.

When the funeral ended, Mark and Collins had to literally hold Roger up as they returned home to the loft. He had had another worse breakdown at her burial. He couldn't let her go. Burying her was a confirmation for him that he would really never see her again.

---

Roger gave up. His life had no meaning anymore. It was too hard for him to continue living like this, and he knew he would never love anyone again. So he gave up.

It wasn't like he tried to commit suicide. He refused to die the way April did. He also felt it would go against what he and Mimi had promised to each other to purposely over-dose on drugs.

Instead, he lay in bed all day. He wouldn't eat anymore. He only got up to go to the bathroom and to shower. He just wanted it to end. He would cry until there were no tears left. Then he would sleep and sleep and sleep, only to wake up screaming. Mark would come in the room, trying to calm him down. He would force food at him, but Roger wouldn't at it. He just never felt hungry anymore. Roger would then go back to sleep, dreaming of Mimi. There wasn't a minute that passed that he didn't think of her.

After a few weeks, he noticed that he was getting much skinnier. His six-foot frame lost its muscular build as more and more weight dropped off him. His face was unusually pale and his hair lost its shine. He felt weaker and weaker very day to the point where he needed Mark or Collins to help him stand. He had stopped talking; his voice was only hear when he talked and screamed in his sleep. It was growing to be such a regular occurrence that nobody bothered to wake him anymore. He still cried every day for hours. Soon, Collins and Mark had to put a rail in the shower just so he could be able to stand in it and shower alone. He began wearing a bathing suit to shower just in case he needed help from his friends.

A month had passed since Mimi's death. Roger had grown dangerously skinny. He didn't look the same anymore. His face was sunken in and each of his ribs was clearly visible through his clothes. When he would cry, his sobs had no power. His voice had grown so weak that his screams at night couldn't be heard anymore.

One day, Roger passed out in the shower. Mark called an ambulance in a panic. Collins had done everything he could to try to wake him up, but couldn't. When the paramedics arrived, they said it was entirely possible that he would be dead within the hour. If he pulled through, though, chances were that he would only last the week.

At the hospital, Collins called Maureen and Joanne to come say good-bye. They rushed over as fast as they could, both with fear in their eyes. They didn't want Roger to die. Not so soon after they lost Mimi. But no matter how much they prayed for him to be okay, nothing could change the fact that he was dying. Maureen, Joanne, Mark, and Collins stayed by Roger's side while he was in the hospital. When he finally woke up, he started screaming. He didn't know where he was. Why were his friends gathered around his bed like this?

"Roger... you're dying," Mark said after Roger calmed down. Roger nodded. He'd known this for years.

Collins decided to elaborate. "You've pretty much killed yourself. The doctors said..." Collins swallowed. "They said you'll... you'll be gone by the end of the week." His voice faded to a whisper.

"So we came to say good-bye." Maureen said tearfully.

Roger nodded again, a hint of a smile gracing his lips. He would be reunited with his love again.

"Are you smiling?" Joanne asked, her voice horrified.

"Yes," he said in a low rasp.

The room grew very quiet. "Y-y-ou t-talked,: Mark stuttered in shock.

"I'm sorry. I just can't wait to be with Mimi again," his voice was very quiet.

"We'll miss you, Roger," Joanne said.

"I know. Try not to be too upset. I'll be happy again. Thank you for everything; I love you guys," he whispered. Then he closed his eyes and grew very still. His heart rate on the monitor went flat.

Maureen let out a small shriek and collapsed onto his lifeless body. Joanne fell into Collins' chest, sobbing. He wrapped his arms around her, also crying. Mark just stared. His best friend had just died. A single tear slipped down his cheek. Not only did Roger die today, but today happened to be exactly two months since Mimi died. Now three friends had been lost. Who would be next?

---

Roger was buried on a sunny day, right next to Mimi. Both had requested long ago to be buried next to each-other when they died. As they lowered the casket into the ground, Mark, Maureen, Collins, and Joanne each threw a flower onto it.

"Good-bye, Roger," Mark whispered. Yet a small smile crossed his face. He knew that somewhere, Roger was reunited with Mimi. And at this moment, Mark knew that everything was going to be okay.


End file.
